A little joke my mother in law sent me. I'll post more later but as it's getting close to 4am I should really head to bed in a few.
TWENTY DOLLARS
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank. She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged" him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"
That's when she shot him.
You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut!
I don't know what to do but I sure as hell can't leave him alone.
That's when H pointed him out to me. He wasn't actually standing where G said, G was just testing us. I saw him!!!!! I really saw where he was then.
Remember now that I've got some food in the microwave. Which is from Helen's Kitchen and it's Indian Curry. He WAS talking about the food and I knew that but it was just so damn funny.
I just have no place to go that is just MY space when I want to talk on the phone. Can't go in the bedroom as he can hear me in there, can't go out in the other side of the celler (I live in my mother in laws basement) as then the phone gets a little crackly and when the furnace comes on it's loud. I can't go upstairs cause my mother in law's tv is too loud and I just wouldn't have any privacy. When we move, I'm going to make sure I have *MY* own space. 
