I think today is going to be a bunch of different tangents.

First, I paid so I wouldn't see ads on blogstream, in the My Account area it shows that I have done so, but when I post comments on my blog and others I see ads. It's frustrating. I've written to somebody where people were posting questions and I haven't gotten a single response. Now if only they would take that stupid ad for Question Stream off my blog. Argh... I hate that...

Second, I've been playing in my little PSP world, I've got 2 tutorials written up, one is mine the other I'm writing for a friend. I had to write it from a script and figure out some of the settings on my own and that was hard and a first for me. But I got it, and soon it'll be going to the testers. I need the person who designed it to look at it first. She needs to approve what I've done.

Third, we had a rough night a couple nights ago. My sweetie cut his arm up again. Nothing major though, it looks like they could be cat scratches except that there are so many of them. He was so upset because he needs this special very intensive therapy and they don't have it very often for men. It's a type of group therapy called DBT. We've looked as far as Bangor (which is 2 hours away) for sessions and their classes are full up. He took it to mean that they don't care that he's suffering and that nobody gives a shit about him. Which we know this isn't true, but what can we do? I keep trying to get him to exercise and do his Tai Chi as when he was doing that alot he was doing so much better. I've gotten him to do Tai Chi yesterday and the day before (the day he cut) so far today he hasn't. He's basically been doing alot of sleeping which is the safest escape for him. My greatest wish right now is to wish that he was better mentally and physically.

Fourth, I've also been playing alot of Guild Wars. In our Guild the leader is going to be taking some time off. He's a 16 year old kid with alot of mental problems himself. He's most concerned with trying to get his ex-girlfriend back and I'm not sure that's going to be a good relationship for him but that's what he wants so we are standing by him. He also has severe insomnia, he regularly goes 4-5 days without sleep. Last night when I was talking to him we (my sweetie and I) were encouraging him to create a schedule and to stick to it, to limit his time on the computer playing Guild Wars to an hour or 2 at the most during the week instead of 10-15 hours a day if not more. We kept trying to tell him to go upstairs (his bedroom is in the basement) and hang out with his parents some and also to try to get outside some. Since he's starting playing this game he's essentially put his real life on hold. He's abandoned his friends, developed some mental health problems (agoraphobia for one)and is afraid of doing anything, of people seeing him and not liking him and it's gotten really bad. So this is something we are trying to help him with. If you have some extra positive thoughts and prayers could you send them his way?

Well, I'm going to see if I can get some more stuff done around here, so I'll check in with you guys soon.

**hugs and love**
~Cerelia

This afternoon around 11:30ish we had this really weird odor in the house. It smelled kinda skunky. I went upstairs and opened the back door and it was stronger there. The smell was coming into the basement even though we had no open windows (we have to replace the screens as the cat vs mole game had begun), but we have vents. After awhile the smell seemed to disappear. We lit some incense and sprayed some air freshener and it continued to disappear.

Tonight around 6ish (give or take some) the smell came back and was stronger. This time my sweetie went outside and walked around trying to figure out what was going on. That's when he heard the hissing. We had a propane gas leak. So he ran back in the house and we evacuated. It took us just a few minutes, but we packed up the cats, dog, evacuation kit, blankets, jackets, and computers. I even grabbed a bottle of orangeade! We drove to the front of the house and used the house phone to call the propane company, no answer. So then we called 911. Within about 15 minutes (which is unheard of here) we had 3 firetrucks and a few other vehicles in the yard. By this point we were parked in our neighbors driveway. They got home just before the firetrucks. We chatted with them some and were told to go into their house in case there was an explosion we needed to be protected. We stayed inside for awhile but then came out to see what was going on. Eventually someone came out to tell us what went on. Apparently when our tank was filled a couple days ago they didn't have it adjusted to the right temperature. It was cold that day and yesterday, today it's about 20 degrees warmer. So it's been leaking all day. In the end they had to take the tank and put it out in the middle of the back yard. Tomorrow the propane company will be by tomorrow with a new tank (and valve of course). So tonight (on Thanksgiving) we can't use the oven or the stove (or the genorator if the power goes out). So tonight instead of my burritos we got some leftovers. Tomorrow I'll make my burritos.

As a special Thanksgiving treat we got the animals some wet cat food (wet dog food for the dog). They all loved it except for George, I gave him dry food instead. I still have another meal's worth for them which they will enjoy tomorrow (even though some wish they would have it tonight lol).

So that was my fun for the night. Our house is now clear everyone is happy (especially the animals).

So I hope your day is less eventful than mine.

**love and hugs**
~Cerelia

Reading other blog entries has made me think about those that I miss, family members who have passed away or friends that are too far away to celebrate, or friends that are no more. It's really sad when you lose a friend, either because you move away and don't keep in contact or because you had a falling out where your friendship couldn't be recovered. But if you're friendship couldn't be recovered how good a friendship was it to begin with?

My first person that I tend to miss and is someone who is on my mind alot is my father. He died of a heart attach in 2001. He was away on a cruise ship out of the country when it happened. It took over a week to get his body back to me and I won't go into details but they did a HORRIBLE embalming job. I miss my father because he was a very sweet person, he was kind to people and always gave what he could even if he had to go without. He would give anything to my sister and I if we needed it even if it meant he couldn't get his smokes, or dinner that night. My father was a great man and I miss him very much. Sometimes I even miss his whole side of the family because since his death we no longer talk. They don't like me anymore. Less stress for me though because I don't have to deal with those dramas.

The next is my grandfather, my mom's dad. He passed away in 1992 and his death and later that month my aunt and uncle (my mom's mother's brother and his wife) deaths really made a huge change on my family. My grandfather died of colon cancer in his early 50s. He should have gotten a colonoscopy sooner, but didn't until it was too late. When they opened him up the cancer just spread, it was too late. He died on August 8th, 3 days after my sister's 10th birthday. My aunt and uncle were killed August 23rd, 6 days before my 12th birthday just a few weeks later. That was a very sad month for us. My aunt and uncle were coming back from a cemetary on a Sunday afternoon after church when they got a railroad tracks. The grass was really high and you had to just get on the tracks to see if there was a train coming. Well, there were no lights or anything at this crossing. Sure enough, a train WAS coming and they couldn't move in time. They all died, instantly I hope. They flew out of various car windows and all landed in a row close together. My uncle had his seatbelt on so he was in multiple pieces, so the majority of him was with the others. Needless to say it was a closed casket funeral. My aunt and uncle were so close that we got a double casket for them so they walked through life hand and hand and they will live together in eternity together hand in hand. I think it says that on their tombstone too.

I also miss my baby. In 2002 I miscarried at 13 weeks. My sweetie and I were so happy when we discovered I was pregnant, the change in my sweetie was amazing. He was very understanding, he was sweet, and very gentle with me. When we found out we were going to lose the baby (I had gone to the doctor and had some tests done and they discovered that my baby was already dying) we were both devastated. I cried, I barely made it out to the car before crying. I cried all the way home, I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. Then I cried some more, my heart was breaking and I couldn't understand why. Why was this happening to me? What did I do? In the end I had to go to the hospital for the precedure because the baby wasn't coming out on it's own, and I couldn't stand the thought of a dead baby inside of me any longer, one day there was life, one day there wasn't. I was 13 weeks along, but didn't find out I was pregnant until I started puking around week 6 or 7 I think. Man during that short time I knew I was pregnant I could barely keep anything down, I was puking all the time. I lost 20lbs during that short time. I sometimes wonder if I had tried harder to eat, to take more vitamins or something if everything would have worked out. This event has done a huge number on the both of us. My sweetie and I have gone to counseling and we've discovered that his intense dislike of small children is because we lost ours. He doesn't want anyone to know but since he doesn't read my blog I guess it's ok to share here. You guys won't tell him right? Anyway, it got so bad that last year he got a vasectomy so now we have no chance of having our own child. I'd say 99% of the time I'm perfectly ok with this. We can't even support ourselves so we have NO RIGHT to bring a child into the world. I keep saying later on if we change our mind we could always adopt, but I don't know. I think we are honestly better off with cats. Now how awful is that? See why I ok with not having kids? At least with cats they don't require constant attention. And they sleep ALOT and when they play they are so cute and funny and very entertaining. They are heartwarming. :)

Ok, sorry to be so depressing on such a day but I just felt the urge to share so I have come to share.

May you all have a blessed and happy day surrounded by those that you love.

**hugs and love**
~Cerelia

I'd like to wish all of my American friends a very Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you all have a super fabulous and blessed day with your friends and family. (For you non Americans, I still hope you have a very happy, super fabulous, blessed day as well.)

Last Saturday we went to visit my family to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas. As you know from my post then, it went pretty well (except for that darn ride home lol). My sweetie's mother is still in Maryland visiting her cousin (she comes home Saturday) so my Sweetie and I get to spend today by ourselves and it's going to be a GOOD day as soon as my stomach stops being so upset. lol

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I'd like to list a few things that I'm thankful for today.

1. I'm thankful I have a roof over my head.
2. I'm thankful I have family and friends who love me and support me.
3. I'm thankful for everything I have to keep me entertained.
4. I'm thankful I have food on my plate when I want it.
5. I'm thankful for my pets who are really more my children for they help keep me sane in this incredibly insane world.

What are you thankful for today?

Anyway, I hope you all have a very happy and blessed day. :)

**hugs and love**
~Cerelia

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly
dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman told me.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."

T he homeless Woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

I said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman
looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."

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Got this one from a friend, Enjoy!

**hugs and love**
~Cerelia