Ok, today, yesterday whichever I'm pulling an all nighter. It's 7:20am on Sunday morning and I'm wired. My sweetie and I have embarked on a new project. It's called Project Clean. I may have mentioned part of the tasks before but I'll recap. We are going to be moving very soon as we are on waiting lists for several low income apartment buildings. We want to move out of here for several reasons, 1 being that the house is going to be put up for sale very soon and we'll have to leave, but we are ready and want to be on our own. To make things easier for the big move we need to clean things by clean things I'm meaning empty boxes that are still packed from our last move. We are sorting through things and throwing out or putting stuff aside for our local too good to toss. We've condensed our stuff quite a bit. We've got 4 basic areas that we need to clean out. We have the other side of the cellar, our living room, bedroom, and our walk-in closet. We had done the living room one day last week and started the other side of the cellar as well. Today erm, yesterday we finished the other side of the cellar and our closet. So all we have left is a few new things left in the living room and our bedroom. There's alot we can get rid of in the bedroom - I've got books to sell and some games to sort, combine or get rid of. I've got multiple copies of monopoly and I think 2 of them are partials so I need to make a full one and then get rid of the spare.

Well, I'm going to go find breakfast now that I've taken my morning meds.

Hope you all have a wonderful Sunday! :D

**hugs and love**
~Cerelia

Lately I've been having a very hard time getting to sleep. I have a sleeping pill to take and it's supposed to take into effect 15-20 mintues after I take it, it takes an hour and a half at least for it to take into effect. This doesn't work for me so I think I'm going to have to call my doctor again.

I'm under more stress and it's not helping, I'm eating too much and I'm not exercising. Things need to change. I'm also, I'm not sure how to say it, but I think I'm withdrawing from the world and hiding in myself or at home. I never want to leave the house the more I stew about myself the more I stress out. I guess I shouldn't say never, because there are somethings I don't mind leaving the house for and even enjoy. I'm just sick of only going out to doctors appointments and running errands. But on the other hand, all I want to do is stay home and play on the computer or hide in my room and read. I fear that I'm taking on some of my Sweetie's behaviors and I know that's not good. He's become agoraphobic and I fear I'm heading that route. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I may becoming agoraphobic or the fact that I don't mind and partially want it. There are times when I HATE leaving the house, I've cancelled appointments just because I didn't want to leave the house. I fear that someday I may become one of those old crazy cat ladies that never leave the house and gets those meals on wheels thing and have people shop for me. I don't want that to happen but I don't want to leave the house either. I don't mind going out to do groceries, but I'm hating to go to doctors appointments. I wish I could talk to a counceller for me but do it online so I don't have to leave the house.

Ok, my sleepy pills have taken into effect so I'm going to bed now. Goodnight!

**hugs and love**
~Cerelia

Ok, Wednesday night my Sweetie cut himself again. He had lots of cuts on this lower right leg. We brought him to the ER but he didn't get any stitches. On Thursday we had his regular therapy session, this time his mother came with us. The results were amazing. The communication is so much better here. Sweetie made up his own chore list that he is doing pretty good on. I'm so proud of him for doing this. Yesterday was a superb day. We were both on emotional highs and and got a lot of stuff done. We picked up in our living room really well. We are trying to slowly sort through our stuff so when we move in the next month or two we'll have less stuff to move. So again we are selling stuff on ebay and throwing things out. In the next couple of days I'm hoping we can get into the bedroom and clean that room out. I have alot of books that I don't need/want anymore. I'd like to sell them, but I'm not sure if they will sell, so I'll probably try once and if I don't succeed there I will throw them in our local "Too Good To Toss".

I released another Paint Shop Pro tutorial, it's in my Yahoo group files, but not on my website just yet. I'll put it up there when I update my site next.

I hope that you all have a wonderful Sunday and a super fabulous week ahead of you. :)

Take care my good friends! :)

**hugs and love**
~Cerelia

I'm all over the place today, I took some of my sweetie's anti-anxiety pills 2 days ago and crashed (that's how I got to sleep finally after being up for 30 hours) and it was still affecting me yesterday. It was affecting me in a good way though I was giddy and happy and felt like I could do anything so I got a little bit of stuff done around the house (not longer shows it but that's ok). Anyway on the way back from the dump last night we were talking finances and it totally brought me down and I was super depressed. So sweetie being the kind gentle man he can sometimes be **cough cough** LMAO gave me another one. Well it did nothing for me last night but made me a little bit sleepy. However, I slept REALLY well and on that med it's REALLY hard to get up but I had to because I needed to go to appointments today. Today we went to Sweetie's weekly therapy session and mother joined us. I think it was pretty productive. After that I went to see my surgeon for my shoulder. They are still trying to get me to go physical therapy, I don't have anything against it but my insurance company does. It seems they prefer I have the surgery (I may be repeating myself here). They did give me another cortisone shot in my shoulder and so far it seems to be working. It does not hurt like the last one did. The PA did the shot this time as opposed to the surgeon and I think she's a better doctor. I meet with her most of the time and she's great with the support and the pain meds I need. Speaking of meds, she gave me a prescription for a much higher dosage. Between that and the shot I'm feeling NO pain whatsoever right now. I take that with 800mg of ibuprofen and I'm good. I hope it continues to work as the shot wears off. Actually I hope the shot doesn't wear off at all. Last time it only last 3 days. The doctor says it can last anywhere it from a week to a year. Let's hope for the year folks, that way I can put off the surgery even more and hopefully by then be moved closer to a more competent doctor.

Recently my Sweetie and I got interested in playing video games, so he's been using some of the Best Buy gift cards we got for Christmas on some games, don't worry I got some fun stuff too. I got the entire series of Friends and Babylon 5 (that one was for the both of us but I REALLY wanted it). I think I said in a previous post that I got Charmed (the entire series). I've been watching it for about a week or week and a half and I'm almost done season 5 (of 8). I'm loving it! :D I'm so glad I got it, it's awesome watching it without commercials. hehe

Today we went to Ellsworth and Bangor, after our appointments in Ellsworth we went to Bangor to pick up a couple in-store items that we ordered online and also went to exchange my new sneakers. My sweetie got the wrong size but it all worked out in the long run as apparently I was WEARING the wrong size! LMAO So I got the right size and now I just have to save up so I can replace my orthodics. My old ones have holes in them, they are 2 years old so they are due. They are still useable right now but I do need to replace them soon.

My giddyness is long over, I actually started this post hours ago and I'm writing it in wordpad to keep it save from computer gremlins. Now I'm finally getting tired so I took my sleeping pill and turned my sleep machine on (I have sleep apnea and require the use of a cpap machine - it's a machine that forces air through my nose so it keeps my breathing at night).

Last night we lost internet (last night as in the night of the 9th). We were able to connect it showed that we were connected but NOTHING would work, not email, not websites, not instant messaging programs. So I called tech support (around midnight) and they knew about it and were working on it. When we got up it was fixed. Unfortunately my email more than hiccuped and I've ended up with tons of duplicates and triplicates and even up to 5 or 6 copies of some emails so it's taking me awhile to get through things. I've still got close to 200 hundred messages in some folders. **sigh**

Well we just looked at the weather report for today (might as well say today as it's about 5am now) and it's supposed to be a yucky day. Freezing rain, sleet, ice all that fun stuff. Supposed to be less around the coast (where I am) but who knows. Either way I'm hoping to use that as an excuse to not leave the house. We didn't do groceries because my Sweetie took too many of his pills (he combined them at full dosages) so he was a zombie and couldn't help, I can't lift much of anything and Mom was getting tired as she had to work. As it was we didn't get home until about 9pm. The poor cats were wicked hungry and the dog ran out the door so fast so she could pee. (We don't leash her unless we take her on a walk as we have 5 acres here and she has plenty of room. Our only neighbor loves her and enjoys having her over when the dog (Pebbles) goes to visit them.)

Ok, I can't concentrate anymore, I'm going to bed now. I hope everyone has a great day (as it's already quarter past 5am).

**hugs and love**
~Cerelia