I wanted to share a few jokes with you today in hopes to cheer myself up. I've had a rotten day today. We found out that we won't be getting that rebate check from the government as apparently SSI income doesn't count. We went to the laundrymat and as we were folding the last of our laundry out falls my Sweetie's new cell phone. Grrr We can't find the battery or the back faceplace so we'll have to get a new phone. Luckily they are cheap and we'll be able to get our minutes transfered over. Also, when we got out of the laundrymat and loaded the car I started it... or tried to.. I left my lights on again and my battery was dead. Luckily I've got a friend who lives nearby so I called her and she came by. Luckily I did have jumper cables in my trunk. Anyway, I'm going to go try and relax and create something in Paint Shop Pro to see if I'll feel better. I hope you guys all had a better day.
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two large plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. Unfortunately, there's a rip in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 note falls out onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her.... 'Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag...
'Oh, really? Shoot!' says the little old lady. 'I'd better go back and see if I can collect them. Thanks for the warning!'
'Well, now, not so fast,' says the cop. 'How did you get all that money?' 'You didn't steal it, did you?'
'Oh, no', says the little old lady. 'You see, my back yard is right next to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee through the bushes, right into my flower beds!' 'So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say, '$20 or off it comes.'
'Well, that seems only fair.' laughs the cop. 'OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?'
'Well', says the little old lady,' not everybody pays.'
LOL Hope you liked that one. :)
A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table saying,
'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands..
The husband' thought for a moment:
'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic
wand and - poof! the husband
became 92 years old.
The moral of this story:
Men who are ungrateful bastards
should remember fairies are female.
I hope you all have a great night!
**hugs and love**
~Cerelia
